Resilient Families

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Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh (Genesis 2:24, ESV).

The Barna Organization® researches all things Christianity — youth in church, adults in church, whether youth are leaving or coming back to church, pastors doing well or poorly, finances, theological beliefs — you get the picture: just about everything.

And I, being a data nerd, read most of their lengthy reports. Recently, their website discussed what they call “resilient families” and reported that only 1 in 7 married parents meet their requirements for “resilience.”  

I had initial questions of: “What types of families qualify for resilience?” “How about all the other families not classified as resilient?” and “How can more families develop resilience?”

According to Barna’s research, 37 percent of U.S. adults are married with children, and many adults in our country desire to be married with children in the future. These adults define resilience as:

• Shared values and beliefs that guide family life
• Open and healthy communication between spouses
• A deep emotional connection within the marriage
• Active engagement in community or faith-based practices beyond the household

Now, Barna’s statistics:

• Resilient with all four at 14%
• Stable with three at 26%
• Struggling with only two at 24%
• Fragile with one or none at 36%

Uh, oh, most parents the Barna Organization studied were “Fragile.” What can be done? Fortunately, their research revealed three practices of resilient families.

1. Resilient families practice repair, not avoidance. Conflict is not absent; it is handled differently. Resilient families take responsibility for their actions and address the strain directly. Nine in ten resilient families apologize when they’ve hurt a family member.
2. Resilient families seek support after hardship. Barna’s data shows that all types of families experience hardship. Married parents in resilient households seek help during difficult experiences, whether through trusted relationships, professional counseling, or faith-based communities.
3. Resilient families engage beyond the household. Enduring households engage in shared activities that connect them to others beyond their immediate household. These shared forms of engagement reinforce connection within the family itself. For many resilient families, faith functions not only as belief, but as a set of practices that structure family life.

The research details that we can strengthen our families, making them more resilient, by awareness, not denial, getting help, and maintaining support outside of the family.

Whenever I see research of this type, I remember three verses…

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger (Ephesians 4:26, ESV).

Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path (Galatians 6:1a, NLT)

 Not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the day drawing near (Hebrews 10:25, NASB1995).

Let’s all pray for resilience in our relationships!