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There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24b, ESV).
Throughout my career as a pastor, I’ve heard this question too often: “I’m not sure that I have any friends.” I’ve heard this from both introverts and extroverts, from those who isolate themselves and, surprisingly, from the “life of the party” types.
I’ve asked this question of myself, “I work with hundreds, but do I have friends that will stick closer than a brother?” My answer is “yes,” but as I consider my life filled with people, it’s surprisingly few. And if you really consider your life, most of us have only a small number of “sticking closer than a brother or sister” type of friends.
What is friendship?
C.S. Lewis, in his book The Four Loves, lists friendship as one of four great loves that people experience (the others being affection, eros, and charity). In this book, he discusses the beginning of friendship…
Friendship arises out of mere Companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, “What? You too? I thought I was the only one.”
Often, friendships begin through common interests, which may be why the word “co-worker” appears about 13 times in the New Testament. Many of my friends through the years have been my co-workers in the Gospel.
But there’s more to friendship. As it says in Proverbs 27:6, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” Great friendships are tested through disagreements and over time through shared experiences, and yet, through the ups and downs, there is an inherent loyalty and trust, knowing the other person will always show up in times of need.
The most insightful verse on friendship in the Bible is Proverbs 17:17 (NLT), “A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.” When considering this verse, I believe that a brother or sister “born to help” shows the grace of God in planning our friends before we were conceived.
Amen and amen!
I’ve noticed seemingly friends who eventually prove otherwise. A good friend will suffer loss in our support during difficult moments, not caring what others think, or what it will cost — they stand with us!
Studies show that it’s more difficult to create new friendships as we age. I recently heard of an 11-year-old who moved to a new city and had 12 new friends show up at their birthday party. My grandkids can establish best-friend status with another child on a playground in a few minutes.
But then we get older, more taciturn, and often “going it alone” becomes easier than the bother of making new friends. Then loneliness creeps in with studies showing this isolation to be a significant risk factor for depression, anxiety, and physical decline.
Yes, Lord, let us keep our friends and provide a few more.