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Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers (Ephesians 4:29, NKJV).
Some talk too much and others too little. I fall into the “too much” category, and since I talk five times as much as other people, I have more opportunities for communication errors.
At the end of the day, while reviewing my conversations, I often think, “You are such an idiot. Why did you say that?”
I want my conversations to give grace.
I’ve found Ephesians 4:29 helpful in improving the many words I speak throughout the day. The word “corrupt” can be translated as “rotten,” and yes, some of my words (yours, too!) are like opening a garbage can on a hot summer day.
It’s best to avoid rotten and smelly language.
Contrasting the word “corrupt” in Ephesians 4:29, Paul writes two words describing great conversations. First, “edification,” which means building a proper structure, and second, “grace,” meaning a “gift.”
Do our words build a relationship with gifts of edification?
I try to practice Grace Talk. Does a person feel edified and covered with favor after talking to me? Are they enthused or discouraged? Below are three things to avoid when developing Grace Talk.
First: Avoid opening with a negative.
Never open a conversation with a negative or sarcastic and downgrading comment. How do we feel when someone says, “Did you gain weight?” or “We are so thankful you finally showed up.”
Instead, let’s say, “It’s good to see you today.” It’s better to ask questions about a job, family, health, or even the latest weather report. I like to open with, “How has your day been going today?”
Second: Avoid including “generals” and “ghosts.”
A “general” is saying, “You always do this.” Never generalize a critique of another person, because it’s untrue — nobody can always do something. A “ghost” is released with the statement: “Several people have told me.” The “several people” are “ghosts,” elusive and not present.
“Generals” and “ghosts” manipulate. They are not Grace Talk.
Third: Avoid hijacking the conversation.
A conversation should be back-and-forth.
It’s annoying when someone keeps turning the conversation back to themselves. They keep saying, “This reminds me of ________.” We want the other person to speak 60 percent of the time, and we speak 40 percent. Grace talk is a 60/40 proposition.
Let me practice Grace Talk: I see you at Kroger® and say…
Oh no, not you. Someone told me you always stop here after work. And did I tell you how my wife likes Aldi® better than this place?
Yep, I just opened with a negative, included both a “general” and a “ghost,” and then talked about myself. Great job, Pastor Grant (sarcasm). Let’s open with kind words, forget “generals” and “ghosts,” and listen more than we talk!
Do others feel grace after a conversation with us? Also, remember 60/40!
Here I am, recently practicing “Grace Talk” at Kroger with my good friend, Pastor Rick Ives…