|
Getting your Trinity Audio player ready...
|
He who walks in integrity walks securely, but he who perverts his ways will be found out (Proverbs 10:9, NASB1995).
In 50 years of ministry, as a pastor of a local church and in national and international ministry, I’ve been involved with dozens of people who have been impacted by the moral failure of leaders.
The comment I’ve heard most from those who knew the failed leader has been, “I didn’t know.” Too often, enablers and those surrounding failed leaders act as if they didn’t know, didn’t see, and didn’t say anything — when they did know, did see, and should have said something.
I’m not talking about those complicit in a leader’s moral failure, only those who can honestly say, “I didn’t know.” My thoughts about those who fit this category…
- You are a victim too. It’s easy to beat yourself up with “Why didn’t I see this?” guilt. You didn’t cause the sin, you weren’t complicit, and you need to be free of emotional guilt. Please talk to someone you can trust, as talking about your feelings heals the soul.
- You aren’t stupid. Another comment I’ve heard from those who knew a failed leader is, “I should have known. Is there something wrong with me?” The only way to be totally immune to deception is to develop a poisoning of the soul and skepticism towards everything.
- You have been deceived by the best. There’s a spirit of deception within sexual victimization that’s difficult to discern. Predators learn early in their grooming practices to hide their true motives. I know psychological experts, mature pastors, and even those with legitimate gifts of discernment and prophecy who have been fooled.
- You must move forward. It takes time to trust again and, depending on how close you were to the deceiver, to even find the joy of the Lord. There are two types of people you should align with: listeners with the patience to hear your story again and again (it takes repeated processing to heal), and active encouragers who gently push you forward. Sometimes “listeners” and “encouragers” can be the same person, but often they are not.
- You must forgive yourself and others. Grace in a believer’s life forgives self and others. When you forgive others, you are not endorsing their behavior, nor are you releasing them from “time on this earth” justice. One author has two quotes that I find helpful…
Don’t wait to forgive until you feel like forgiving; you will never get there. Feelings take time to heal after the choice to forgive is made.
You don’t forgive someone merely for their sake; you do it for your sake so you can be free.
Please understand the context of this blog today. I’m not discussing what should happen to offenders; only thoughts that I’ve shared with family, friends, and congregants who are saying or thinking, “I should have known.”
May you experience the peace that surpasses understanding.