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Lifting up his eyes, then, and seeing that a large crowd was coming toward him, Jesus said to Philip, “Where are we to buy bread, so that these people may eat?” He said this to test him, for he himself knew what he would do (John 6:5-6, ESV).
Jesus performed about 50 distinct miracles in the Gospels—and each was meant to test our faith in His Lordship as God and Savior of the universe. From our 2,000-year perspective, it’s easy to judge the disciples for their doubt, perhaps foolishly thinking we would have responded differently.
As I was praying today about my own doubt, I began thinking about the miracles of Jesus, the miracles needed in my life today, and how Jesus used His great wonders in the New Testament to help the apostles back then and His disciples today grow in faith. Considering this, I thought, “You know, I would be more like Doubting Thomas (than Doubting Thomas is like Doubting Thomas) if I were one of the apostles.”
Taking my imagination further, I continued, “Why not write in Interruptions what Doubting Thomas would have thought before some of the miracles of Jesus?” since we are probably more like Doubting Thomas than Doubting Thomas is like Doubting Thomas.
Let’s consider the feeding of the 5,000 in John 6.
Jesus looks at the massive, hungry crowd, turns to Philip, one of His disciples, and drops a completely unreasonable doubt-bomb: “You give them something to eat.”
Philip answered him, “Two hundred denarii worth of bread would not be enough for each of them to get a little.” One of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, said to him, “There is a boy here who has five barley loaves and two fish, but what are they for so many?” (John 6:7-9).
Knowing what we know about Thomas from his later exploits—specifically his famous “I won’t believe it until I see the nail scars” routine—we can almost see him standing off to the side, rolling his eyes, crossing his arms, and muttering under his breath: “Right. Sure. We’re going to cater a stadium-sized event with one Happy Meal®?”
Before we get too critical of Thomas, let’s consider if we would be standing off to the side with him, or like Peter, frantically contemplating where we could buy 5000 Happy Meals. Jesus asks us to do things that make absolutely no sense on paper. He commands us to love our enemies, to give when we lack, and to trust Him when the pantry is completely empty. And like Thomas (and Peter), we stand there demanding a full explanation, a spreadsheet, and visible proof before we step out of the boat.
Jesus then took the loaves, and when he had given thanks, he distributed them to those who were seated. So also the fish, as much as they wanted. And when they had eaten their fill, he told his disciples, “Gather up the leftover fragments, that nothing may be lost.” So they gathered them up and filled twelve baskets (John 6:11-13a).
The point is that Jesus didn’t send Thomas packing for his doubt. He didn’t wait for the disciples to have perfect faith before He started breaking the bread. He took the little they had, multiplied it during their confusion, and left them with twelve baskets of leftovers to carry home.
God’s grace is big enough to feed our hunger—and patient enough to handle our doubts.