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What Forgiveness Is and Isn’t

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Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you (Ephesians 4:32, NLT).

At the memorial service for Charlie Kirk, his wife, Erika, said to the tens of thousands in attendance and millions online … 

On the cross, our Savior said, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” That man … that young man … I forgive him. I forgive him because it is what Christ did … the answer to hate is not hate, the answer we know from the Gospel is love.

Christian forgiveness is shocking. Jesus said on the cross, “Father, forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34a). 

I remember a conversation I had with a Jewish man about whether there would be peace in the Middle East. During the course of the conversation, he asked, “Why do you think Christianity could help?”

I replied, “Christianity is a religion of forgiveness. Both Islam and the Jewish religions are ‘eye for an eye’ or payback.” To which he replied, “But there has to be justice.”

He was right, but Christian justice comes through the blood of Jesus, while the justice of all the other world’s religions comes through vengeance. That is why, instead of punishment, the blood of Jesus took the wrath of all committed sins upon the flesh of God as He died on a cross.

Jesus, knowing His upcoming death, prophetically proclaimed to all His followers, “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14-15).

Let’s consider what Christian forgiveness is …

  • The Greek word for “forgiveness” literally means “throw away.” The word is used in connection with trash or garbage, which we all agree should be thrown away.
  • Forgiving means eliminating the potential spiritual and emotional waste of offenses against us by accepting the blood of Jesus for our sins and extending this same offer of forgiveness to others for their offenses.
  • The consequences of not taking out the garbage from our kitchen are the same as not forgiving in our souls. 

Let’s consider what Christian forgiveness isn’t …

  • It does not subvert the justice of the law. There are convicted and forgiven felons in many prisons with no eternal consequences for their sins (having asked God for forgiveness), but still, there is a sentence to be served on earth.
  • It isn’t a cover for continuing violence. This statement of an abusive spouse, “If you have forgiven me, you should take me back,” isn’t Christian forgiveness, as Jesus taught that love means doing the right thing for everyone.  
  • Reconciliation, whether it be racial or relational, should be centered on forgiveness, considering the thoughts of both parties who have been offended, through a process of loving humility that brings healing (Philippians 2:1-4).* 

The greatest difficulty of Christian forgiveness is forgiving (yet not endorsing aberrant behavior) those who don’t want to be forgiven, knowing that if we don’t forgive, the lifelong consequences of this unforgiveness can be greater than the original offense against us!

I find that when I forgive, it’s a process; I forgive and then get angry again, then forgive again, and get angry again, but the weight of the offenses gets softer and lighter until I forget what was perpetrated against me.

Then I — we — Erika Kirk — can be free.

*With irreconcilable differences, or situations with violent and unrepentant offenders, 

there must be boundaries established, and often, the enforcement of written laws.

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