My Cat Crisis

If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small.  Proverbs 24:10

My wife, Barbara, and I were walking in a park named CJ Brown Reservoir. A nice day and I noticed – my wife did not – a kitten limping toward us out of the grass.

“Meow, meow, meow.”

It started following me with more, “Meow, meow, meow.” Really relentless with increasing volume, “Meow, meow, meow!!!”

I’m a cute little kitten. I’m cold. I’m hungry. Please take me home. (Literal OGV translation of KittenTalk)

I do not like cats, but my wife does. I pointed at the kitten, and my wife said, “We have to do something. We can’t let her stay to get eaten by coyotes.” I assumed that “we” meant “me,” so I picked up the kitten.

The kitten immediately crawled inside my hoodie, turned around and stuck her head out of my open hoodie zipper with a “Meow, meow!” (I’m ready to go!  OGV). I walked another two miles with the kitten’s head sticking out of my hoodie, meowing at all who passed.

I was embarrassed as I maintain a “not liking cats” reputation. My wife walked the two miles playing Pokémon with a slight smirk on her face!

Barbara did come up with a name. Thinking of the location, she called the kitten “CJ.” Considering our crisis this year, I slightly changed the name to “CJ-19.”

The Plot Thickens…

My thought was that my grandson, Jesse, and granddaughter, Lila, would like a kitten.

Kitten crisis easily resolved.

My son-in-law does not like cats or kittens. His response to an offered kitten was a simple, “We will never have a cat in our house.”


Enter the Villain…

My wife has a cat named Anya. Anya is a purebred Russian Siberian, long-haired-I-guess-okay-if-you-have-to-have-a-cat, cat.

Anya was bred in Russia for two tasks: stalking and stealing elections. Having been foiled in her latest attempt at undermining an election, Anya’s wet nose was bent out of shape.

She was now focusing on her other skill of stalking.

Enter CJ-19.

For days, Anya stalked CJ. In the kitchen, in the hallway, and even in the litter box. We had to carry CJ-19 from room to room and keep her in locked rooms when we left the house.

Inside my hoodie, with her head sticking out hissing at Anya, became her refuge when I was home.

I became more convinced that Jesse and Lila needed a kitten. Now, what to do about son-in-law Chris?


I would have despaired unless I had seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Psalm 27:13 OGV

At school, one of Jesse’s classmates tested positive for COVID. Jesse was sent home with a 14-day quarantine. At home, not able to celebrate Thanksgiving with cousins, Jesse was heartbroken.

My son-in-law told Jesse, “You can have CJ-19 stay for 14 days.”

Fifteen minutes later I had a litter box, kitten chow, a water bowl, and the kitten with her head poking out of my sweatshirt in the car!

Fourteen days! Yeah, right. Cats specialize in becoming entrenched in places not wanted. CJ-19 would take the 14-day restriction and shred it with her tiny kitten claws!

After 14 days, Jesse or Lila would not allow anyone to take the kitten away.

World Peace!

When I arrived with litter box, kitten chow, and CJ in my hoodie, The Ohio State University was playing football with Indiana. I decided to stay and watch the game.

When I sat down there was an immediate, “Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow!”

Hey, no Anya stalking me, let me out of this hoodie, I am taking charge of this house. (A very happy OGV translation.)

If I was ever proud of a cat, it was at that moment.

CJ-19 jumped to the floor, started playing with Jesse, running under the couch from 4-yr old rambunctious Lila, coming out when Lila was not around, chasing her tail in the middle of the room, and purring when Jesse picked her up.

And CJ’s coup de grace? Jumping on my son-in-law’s lap to lay down and fall asleep.

Yep, 14 days!!!???

I am now happy, and CJ-19 is now happy. Jesse is ecstatic and Lila tries to crawl under the couch to get the kitten.

I mentioned to my son-in-law that the providence of the Lord provided in advance for Jesse’s comfort during his quarantine. My son-in-law’s response was a hissing sound which I will not translate.

Anya, what about Anya? She sits next to me on the couch.

“Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.”

I did it. My plan worked to get rid of that kitten. I’m going to lay here and give myself a good licking while I consider the next election. (Literal OGV cipher of secret Russian CatTalk.)

The Psalmist writes:

In peace, I will both lie down and sleep.  Psalm 4:8

(Interruptions footnote: “OGV” means “Old Guy”: Old Guy Version of the Bible, Old Guy Version of CatTalk and KittenTalk, and Old Guy Version of Secret Russian Ciphers.)

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