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I’m a veteran of more conversations than most. As a former pastor with 50 years of constantly talking to people, one of my commitments upon leaving my role as a Senior Pastor was to talk less.
It was easy at first because I didn’t have as many people to talk to. But I still found myself talking too much, so I considered what types of conversations I wanted to encourage and those I needed to avoid. It’s working. Last week I had a day without a conversation (except for my wife). However, realizing a “zero day” of conversations, I began wondering if I had a type of abnormality that needed a diagnosis or if I was experiencing healthy growth in eliminating a 50-year habit of talking too much?
Before I get too introspective, let me share a verse of Scripture that helps me define healthy conversations…
Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear (Ephesians 4:29, NASB1995, emphasis added).
This verse discusses two categories of conversation indicated by two differing words. The Greek word for “unwholesome” is “sapros,” meaning “rotten fruit.” What conversations drain the “sap” from our souls? The other word is “grace,” which can be translated “gift.” We all love conversations of giving encouragement and receiving compliments.
Two types of conversations: Unwholesome or draining (avoid) and giving or receiving gifts (luxuriate in these). Let me share indicators of each.
Unwholesome: I’ve shifted away from those who monologue a conversation, having a lot to say about what they are doing without asking questions about my life and ministry.
I also delete all forms of manipulative communication, whether verbal or electronic. For example: any email beginning with “Hi, Grant” as I know the current AI algorithms say that people are more likely to read messages beginning with “Hi, __________.” Now, upon receiving an email that begins with “Hi, Grant,” I hit “delete,” thus eliminating about 35 emails a day.
Grace: As a pastor, I’ve spent hours in official and unofficial conversations discussing details of this event or that problem, but now, having the freedom to pick my conversations, I choose those who receive gifts (listen well) and give gifts (speak the truth in love).
With this grace-talk, we edify others. As Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:29, we should speak words of edification, with “edification” defined in the Greek as “building the house.” Knowing God’s will for me, I focus on having conversations with those who help build my house (calling and ministry) or with those who need my help building their house.
I love house-building conversations. And I’m talking less, allowing more “zero” days for my research and writing.